Prompt by: u/reticente
You died. To enter heaven you are actually judged on how you treated inanimate objects. Materialism is the truth.
“And after rudely kicking the innocent table and cursing it for ‘moving’,” the long-haired man read from his list in a monotone voice, “you proceeded to gently pet the lacquered surface and apologise.” The man looked up over his glasses and pierced Mattie with his stare. “What do we make of that, Matthew Orchard?”
“I—I don’t know sir.” Mattie could hardly believe what was happening. That he was being judged on how he treated inanimate objects of all things. They’d been sitting here for hours now. The man, with his long hair tied in a low ponytail reading out a never-ending list of all his… sins…
“Well,” the man continued, “I think it’s a good thing. You do realise most people never even think to apologise to the furniture they damage?” Mattie did realise. He’d been laughed at for it enough times to lose count. It was just an automatic reaction, just like cursing, and just like curling up in a ball and crying at the pain in his toe.
The man rustled the list, moving it up in his hands. “Now, Matthew Orchard, what do you have to say about your—” The man’s lips curled in disgust, the most emotion he’d shown in the hours they’d spoken. “—minimalism phase.”